I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
