The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
