I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
no you cant smoke seaweed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
