so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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