Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
