chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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