you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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