What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
