Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
