I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
last night I used snow as a chaser
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