I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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