ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
