A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
