omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize