Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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