i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
