was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize