I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
