I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
People in love make me want to vomit
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
