It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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