She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
