you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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