why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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