: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
