I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
