Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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