I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
