11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Randomize
