Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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