Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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