so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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