just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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