You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize