Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
