I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
