i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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