I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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