oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
