Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
