the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The Olympian is in my bed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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