Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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