According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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