Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
