I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
