I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
