My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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