Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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