Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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