summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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