so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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