Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
