I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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