she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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