it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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