I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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