i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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