If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
