what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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