sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We are all done wearing pants today
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
