I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
