Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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