do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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