I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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