I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
