You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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