I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
