I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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