I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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