So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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