saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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