I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
