You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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