That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
