yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
