I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
