he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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