It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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