this beer tastes like vomit already
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
