hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
