all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
