how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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