i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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