i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
