Already got asked if we're dating
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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