Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
