just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
