He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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