So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
