I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
