I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
