either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
