I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
