I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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