You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
