Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this beer tastes like vomit already
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
